I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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