I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
