Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
