i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
