and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
