I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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