i love accidental penises.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
