Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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