i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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