I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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