3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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