your parents love me but you hate me
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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