I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
