What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
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