Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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