i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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