I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I look better un-naked...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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