is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
