i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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