Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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