So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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