She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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