after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
