I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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