I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
