allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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