He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
