I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We had to coat check the pizza.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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