This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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