I bet he comes in French.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
