i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
