My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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