it was like eating out sand paper
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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