evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
