Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
