hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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