i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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