So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
