I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
