my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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