I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
