we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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