I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.