go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.