i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme