Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake