just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
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There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother