A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
