so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
