i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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