Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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