he was CRYING into my vagina
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
