bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
