the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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