is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
