I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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