I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
