I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
