either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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