Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"