just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.