So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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