I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
no you cant smoke seaweed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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