The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again