K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
