ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
